This is my second time as a guest blogger. I have spent the past several weeks contemplating writing more frequently and looking into different calls for submissions but just haven’t found anything that calls out to me. It is like I know I need to write, I love to write, it heals me and frees me in so many ways, and yet...I just haven’t been able to find the words or a prompt that inspires me.
However, when Susan messaged me today about this I was given this little nudge in my Spirit to give it an earnest try. I have spent the past few months in a really weird place in my life. People from all different facets of my life have brought me their stories, their secrets, and their troubles. People that I have not seen in years have reconnected. I have had several different people come stay a day or two because they had no where else to go. I have asked myself why the sudden onslaught of visitors? I often go weeks and only speak to people whom I work with, or my family, they are practical, need based talks. “ Hey mom don’t forget the milk.” or “ How was your day?” or “ Can I please have some money for a movie” or “ Can you work for me on Saturday?” Then something happened and almost everyday I find myself talking about deep things, tender things, things that are difficult and sometimes hard to hear or say.
I had been trying to understand why the sudden change when I had to stop dead in my tracks and redirect my focus onto the what. What do I have in common with the people I'm talking to? What do these people unknowingly have in common with each other? What is God trying to show me about myself? What would God have me show them?
When someone comes to my door, it's more often than not by what seems like a coincidence, or by chance, or because they don’t know where else to go. It's not because I am sought out intentionally for my wisdom or insight. It's also not because I seem to have my life together. Because if I am totally honest, I absolutely do not. I don’t have the answers for myself, let alone anyone else. I struggle with anxiety, and depression. I am also currently at odds with my addiction. I have surrendered all of and taken all of this a million times, the fact that most of these obstacles have been unseen by most of the people in my life makes me feel alone and somewhat fraudulent. When people start talking I identify with them. In identifying with them I am given the gift of being an observer, because it is not actually me, I can see for them what I cannot see for myself.
The biggest source of suffering I see in all of this, is our inability to let the past be the past. To let our history be laid to rest. If I want to be someone other than who I was, I must not refer to the old standard by which I lived. If I want to be a new creation, I can’t build it on the bones of the old one, or I’ll just be an updated version of the old person.
The Word gives us several references to all things becoming new. In Isaiah 42:9 its says: “Behold, the former things have come to pass, and new things I declare; before they spring forth I tell you of them.”
lIt's not hard for me in my life to see where I was told of what would happen if I continued on a certain path. Everyone tried to warn me when i was clearly headed for disaster, but I didn’t listen. When things transpired exactly as they had forseen, I felt pretty stupid. But what does God say about the things to come? What does His word promise? Life, and more abundantly at that, we are told we are sons and daughters, that there is a hope and a future for us, and that if we love Him and listen to the call and live according to that purpose, then all, All things will work for our good. He promises that we will be born again of Spirit, and that never will we be alone.
So I was never alone, even when I was walking in rebellion. I am not alone now. I also know that it's really hard for me to let that old person go. To release back to God what I can no longer use of myself.
2 Corinthians 5:17 tells me very clearly “ Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation, old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new”
When I am abiding in Him, everything that I was before is gone, I am new. The past and its multitude of regrets and failures has no hold on me and the decisions I make. It can not stir up any trouble for me when I am willingly and intently under His wing.
My problem, and that of many I have spoken to, is that we wander off from that safe place, we get distracted, or complacent, and we choose to step out of alignment with him and back into the flesh of our old selves. It's easy for me to find reasons to be angry, I become critical, and detached. I am detached from the new creation, so I then align myself with anger, depression, emptiness, fear. I remember all the times I was let down and all the times I have let others down, and before I know, I have forgotten about the New Creation. I have let go of what I already know to be true, because that person can only be alive when I am with Jesus, that creation is His and His alone.
I see this to be true with others as well. They will have these new lives and all of a sudden they don’t. Everything goes back to being a struggle, the light they had begins to fade, their lives suffer. Instead of returning back to Him, they try to fix it alone only to be met with more obstacles and problems. I see it often, and have experienced it personally as well. The solutions to all of the junk in our lives is so simple and yet we make it so hard.
I have to let that old Sam be dead. I can’t for my future’s sake keep bringing her back to life. The old things have passed away and they have already been forgiven. God does hold on to them, so why should I? Not only are my sins now and forever wiped clean, but my past has been disarmed, and neutralized. I don't have to think the way I used to think or do the things I used to do, and if I am self aware, and can identify those patterns and behaviors resurfacing, I am aware that I have stepped out of alignment. This awareness also means I can make the choice to move back towards Him and His complete and perfect will.
The new Sam wants to help others step back to His perfect love and safety, I want to be there as well. I will never be anywhere near perfect adherence to His Will for my life. I can say that every single day I am given some new piece of understanding. I am still growing, and there is a comfort in that for me. I hope you can find something that speaks to you in all this as well.
