Welcome back to guest blogger Samantha LaPierre. Read on to see what she has learned about God Redeeming the wreckage of the past.
I keep starting and stopping searching for words that are not there to express things that vanish the moment you try to pin them down. They seem so sacred that to capture them would be nearly irreverent and blasphemous. Some moments, it seems, belong only to the moment in which they were birthed and are buried before the next. Bursts and flashes of creation are complete in themselves. How could I express that?
Sometimes I could sit and breathe and bask in the nothingness, the dreaming that occurs as it dwells in all of the possibility that the void contains. I can hold this space just briefly to quiet the chattering in my mid. The silence takes the roots of these and turns over earth inside my soul, so that I can grow something beautiful. I can create something I never could have on my own. I can feel my chest begin to calm. A feeling like a raging hurricane suddenly stopped.
At first I felt like I had died, like the lack of conflict was death, not peace. I was used to just surviving, getting by using anxiety as the source I used to me forward. To let myself take the weighted responsibility of owning my life would mean I would have to step into the authority of my own power. Actually it was not my own power, but the power entrusted to me by God by the Holy Spirit. I didn’t know how to claim it. I had nothing but failed attempts, a dysfunctional emotional body and a lack of guidance. I had no one to teach me who to be whole, but I quickly taught myself to be broken and bitter. I can’t pinpoint or understand how or when the depth of my soul surrendered to the surface all the treasures that I had assumed were lost forever. Lost when my vessel was tossed and wrecked time and time again, breaking and sinking like the pearl of the grace that came with a great cost. God has called these treasures out of their grave. He came walking on the water to help me see their beauty and unseen worth. He said to me, “these are the treasures you take with you from this life to the next.
As I wrote this these pictures played on the screen in my mind.
A pretty new ship setting off as dark clouds rolled in. As it set sail, it passed the safe zone and violent waves and winds capsized it, breaking it into splinters.
Another boat, not so new sits hesitant to leave. It didn’t sail long and was abandoned with its cargo. The captain and crew decided they would rather take their chances and float. Over and over this story replayed and no one dived to reclaim what was lost.
Then the ocean floor began to shift. The tides and currents changed and the surface was hit by a tsunami. The ocean became an empty grave. I could see Him jump in the water and lift me out - resuscitating me and reviving my heart. I coughed cried and sputtered to take the next breath on my own. He wiped my eyes and my face. Then he lifted me to my feet and we were standing on the water together. He picks up stones, treasures and a bluepring. No. It is a complete pardon. 4 beautiful words. All has been forgiven.
I see a trunk full of books that don’t have words yet. “Write” he said without saying. “These are the tablets of your heart. He shows me a gold heart shaped locket with a mustard seed in one side and “to thine own self be true, on the other. I can’t help but smile. He had faith in me the whole time. At the end of this I come back to myself and I want to dance and cry and tell everyone about the way, in just a moment, God could reveal Himself to me. I don’t need to be spectacular. I only need to make myself be still long enough to release what it is in my mind
