Loving Self

Our guest blogger today is Kurt Boyland. He is a counselor for FaithWorks and Highland Church. He has some wisdom about loving ourselves. Feeling unseen can sap our strength and we often neglect our own well-being. Here are some practical ideas from Kurt about how to love yourself.

Acknowledge the pain in your life. Hurt and pain permeate the cycle of life. From childhood to old age, emotional and physical pains are a dominant thread of life's fabric. Our  hearts are more like Velcro than Teflon. The pain and trials of rejection, neglect, abuse, illness, frustration and loss attach to our hearts, often implanting themselves for many many years. Aboiding, suppressing, condemning or hating the pain often cause the pain to embed deeper, only to manifest itself in a variety of unwanted and "unexplainable " behavior and habits. To love myself is to acknolege my pain from a position of gentle ness and kindness, not fear and contempt.


Honor and respect your pain. Jesus commands his followers to love our enemies. For most people in America and in Abilene, their greatest enemies are not outside but withing themselves. How often do you hear "I am my own worst enemy. In thinking about their anger, shame, pain and guilt, a lot of people react with contempt and hate. Hating parts of ourselves that Jesus died for and wants to redeem only compound the pain and suffering. To respect and honor my pain and suffering means that I regard and treat my hurt and its accompanying emotions and thoughts with the same attitude and behavior that God has for all people. God demonstrated his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. In other words, it's important to have a good attitude about you bad self.

Pursue truth  Truth and love are the same. To love is to be truthful and to be truthful is to love. To love myself is to be truthful with myself and others. Truth is pain's guardian. Each time I speak and act contrary to what I know to be true and just, I pour salt on my woundedness. Compromising my beliefs and values solely for the sake of a relationship puts me at greater risk of heaping more pain on my hurt and brokennoess. To speak the truth in love is to allow my brokenness and hurt to have a voice. Truth is pain's advocate. When marginalized and alienated parts are given a chance to speak, there is freedom. Maybe this can be applied to the words of Jesus "The truth will set you free". In love and truth there is freedom.

There is more to come from Kurt's wisdom next week.

Thought for the day: Lord, let us be as gracious to ourselves today as we are to others

Feedback: What makes it difficult for us to love ourselves?

Rocks and Rewards

Today's post is one of my favorite stories God has given me. Being unseen can create resentments. We feel that our good works are overlooked.

Rocks and Rewards

For whosoever shall give you a cup of water to drink in my name, because ye belong to Christ, verily I say unto you, he shall not lose his reward.  Mark 9:41

Once there was a girl who was very special. She loved people and loved helping them. She helped her mother and made presents for her father. She was happy and loved. When she went to school, things began to change. She did things to help her friends and made gifts for them. One day she gave a present to her friend, but instead of saying thank you she left it on the table and walked off. The girl decided she would have to be more careful about who she gave her love to. To remind herself, she picked up a rock and put it inside her heart.

            Eventually the girl grew up. She gathered many rocks as reminders of times she was hurt. She even made a pouch to keep them in. She decided that she would shower her love on one person. She married and gave her whole self to make her husband happy. For a while this went well, but eventually he stopped showing his gratitude for what she did.  She decided to devote herself to her children. Surely they would appreciate her. Anyone who has children knows how well that worked. The pouch of rocks in her heart grew so heavy that she stooped when she walked, and she had become bitter and angry. 

            One night she had a dream. She saw Jesus, shining and glorious. He smiled at her and said, “Give me the pouch of rocks in your heart.”

            “Oh, no!” she cried. Then no one will know the things that I did.”

            “I’ve seen every one of them. Give me the pouch, please.” he repeated.

            Reluctantly she handed it over. He poured the contents into his nail scarred hand and she cringed, thinking of the ugly reminders of hurts.  When she looked, she was startled to see instead to pearls, beryl, jasper, emerald, sapphire and many other precious stones. Amazed, she asked where they came from.

            “These are the jewels for your crown. No good deed, however small was ever overlooked.”

            After that she was once again the happy loving person she had left behind so long ago.

            May we all follow her example.

Lord, help us to crave your approval and not that of others.

FEEDBACK: How do resentments and the feeling of being overlooked hinder your life?

Bulletproof

Our guest blogger for today is Paul Mathis. He is an ACU grad student who works with Freedom Fellowship and Grace Fellowship. He has been through the fire and is not afraid to go back and help other people out of it.

       Being unseen involves a lot of hurt and we often wonder where God is in the midst of your struggle. Paul addresses this issue today.


        I know very little about guns and ammo. In fact, all that I know I have learned from watching cop shows on TV. However, I believe it is an accurate fact that if you wear a bulletproof vest and are shot, it is going to hurt. The vest may save your life, but the bullet will still hurt. Depending on the size of the gun and how close the shooter is to you, it may hurt a lot—you may end up knocked out or with broken bones. How is that possible? Isn't the vest supposed to protect you from the bullet? Well, it does. The vest saves your life, but it cannot save you from the reality of the bullet.
         In Genesis 15:1-3, God tells Abram, “Do not be afraid. I am your shield; your very great reward.” God is our shield, but that does not mean that we will never experience pain. God shields us and saves us, but we still have to deal with the reality of life. There will be times of hurt, confusion, desperation, doubt, or uncertainty. God shields us because we do not receive the full brunt of anything life throws our way. We do not face anything on our own. God shields us and saves us. Although we still deal with the reality of pain this life throws our way, we do not need to be afraid—God is our shield.

Lord, help us to know today that you are our shield.

Feedback: How have you seen God as your shield, even when you were going through pain?

Irrational

Living with the reality of feeling unseen can lead to frustrations that are so great it is often hard to control what comes out of our mouth, much less what goes on in our world.   See if your experience tracks with mine. Hopefully you handled things better than I did.

Irrational

Set a guard over my mouth, O LORD; keep watch over the door of my lips Psalms 141:3

            My friend and I changed the words to an old song. Our version was, If Your Irrational and You Know it Just Shut Up. Hopefully you are too spiritual for this, but there are so many times that I know I should quit talking but my mouth just keeps going. The most vivid example is a time when I had tried out for a Christian drama and I got upset with the director. If he had said, “All our angel costumes are size 12 and under.”, it probably would have been fine. What he said was, “You have to be a size 12 or less to be an angel.”  I went bananas. The main parts and the angels were given out and the rest of us were told we would be saints.  I actually said, out loud, “Is that a real part or just a place to stick fat people?” Afterwards we were in the auditorium and a teen behind me was saying how she didn’t care what part she got. She would be a prop manager for Jesus.  That just fed my anger, because I did not feel anywhere close to that holy. The next morning I couldn’t resist one more dig. I went up to the director, held up my 4 month old baby and said, “This is why I am not a size 12 yet.” Then I stalked off. I can remember feeling like I was watching myself, wondering why that crazy person couldn’t pull it together and act like an adult.

            Hopefully, all of you are too spiritual to play that game. In Psalms 141:3, we read, “Set a guard over my mouth, Oh Lord. Keep watch over the door of my lips.” Boy, do I need that. I am able to hold my tongue for a long time, but when it gets loose, Katie bar the door.  James 3 talks about the tongue. In verse 8 it says, “No man can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil and full of deadly poison.” I need God to watch over my mouth. If I had been willing to let Him do that that day, I would not have embarrassed myself by ranting. So many times, I get going and I know I should just stop talking before I dig myself any deeper. Unfortunately my mouth just keeps going.

            Fortunately for all of us, God can tame our tongues, even when we can’t. If we can learn the warning signs and know when to ask for help, we can avoid a lot of emotional wreckage in our lives. I need to listen to the spirit, when he tells me to stop talking. I need to listen to my friends who tell me, “Let God take care of it. He can do a better job than you can” Chances are you are like me.

Lord, help us to keep our eyes on you today and our tongues under control.

Feedback: What are the warning signs that you are on the edge of having your tongue run away?

Have you learned how to rein it in?

It's a Twister

We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  2 Corinthians 10:5

             I live in Tornado Alley and have seen the destruction that a tornado can cause.

I saw the tree outside my window split almost completely in two. I saw a tree that was probably 100 years old picked up and dumped in the middle of the street. My dad saw his neighbors’ car picked up and flung 100 yards away. In Arizona recently there was a storm that measured 50 miles across.  The winds can be up to 300 miles per hour. My sister saw seven tornados in one day.  The danger from tornados comes not only from wind speeds, but from the debris they pick up. Flying or falling debris are responsible for most deaths and injuries from tornadoes. In addition to dirt and leaves, tornados pick up cars, cows, and large parts of trees.

            The same is true in our spiritual life. A thought will cross our minds. It may be a simple thought. (My husband is late for dinner). If we are able to stop it there, not much damage is done. However, many times one thought leads to another. (He was late last week too.) Then another thought follows. (He doesn’t care enough to get home on time.) The thoughts build on one another like larger and larger pieces of debris. (He doesn’t really love me. He is tired of me. He is going to leave me. I’m going to be alone for the rest of my life.) Granted the progression is not usually that fast, but the process is the same. Before long we have entered what I call the Swirling Vortex of Terror. 

            I do not like the Swirling Vortex of Terror. I doubt myself, God, and whoever I am upset with. What is the solution to this situation? Paul gave it to us in 2 Cor. 10:5. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  If we have on the belt of truth, we recognize thoughts that are wrong when they come. I once heard a preacher (I believe it was Chuck Swindoll) say, “You can’t keep a bird from flying over your head but you can keep it from building a nest in your head.  What can we do instead, though? Again, we get our answer from Paul. In Philippians 4:8 he says; Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things.

            Let’s practice “thinking on these things”, even if we don’t feel like it. If you see someone heading toward the Swirling Vortex of Terror, for heaven’s sake throw them the lifeline of Godly thoughts and counsel.

Lord, help us to keep our thoughts in line with your word today.

FEEDBACK: What is your first hint that you are entering the Swirling Vortex of Terror?

Dad

Welcome back to Unseen. Our guest writer today is Darell Martin.  He is a teacher at FaithWorks of Abilene and committed to helping people recover from the damage life has inflicted.

Dad

My dad spent the first eight years of my life in the navy, sometimes being aboard ship for as long as six months at a stretch.   His vessel would eventually arrive in Long Beach, California, about one hundred eighty miles from our home in the desolate Mojave Desert, and we would make that trip to pick him up.  That long anticipated day was filled with joy and laughter, even as we traversed that hot and dry landscape. 

As we would arrive at the ship already in harbor, we would see an assembled throng of navy families standing on the dock, looking intently for their fathers, husbands, brothers or sons.  There would be noisy shouts and enthusiastic hands franticly waving as a loved one was spotted among the mob of seamen lined up along the ship’s rail.  The gangplank would be lowered and the men would begin descending in orderly fashion until they reached the bottom.  The jubilant sailors would then sprint toward welcoming arms.   

Here Dad would come ambling down the gangplank, decked out in his khaki chief petty officer’s uniform and wearing a big smile, which spread all over his face.  After Mom was held in his arms for a while, he would embrace my older brothers Bill and Bob.  And then he would pick me up and give me a big hug and a peck on the cheek.  With my small arms around my daddy’s neck, I was happy and contented; and with my head nestled on his large shoulders I felt safe and secure.   Then with expectation, I would whisper in his ear, “What did you bring me?”  Since he had been all over the world, he would always have a gift for each of us.  On one occasion he brought me a bike from Japan and even took me aboard ship to see it. 

Dad would stay home for several months, but when his leave was over he would once again have to ship out.  The journey to take him back to his ship was always sad, and entirely too brief.  With tears brimming in our eyes, he would comfort our anguish with these words: “Now don’t worry, I’ll be home soon, and I’ll bring you something when I come back.” 

I trusted my dad.  He did always come back, and he usually had a little surprise with him when he saw me.  As an adult, years later, after reading Jesus’ final words of comfort to his disciples as he was getting ready to leave them, I would smile, thinking of Dad.

“Do not let your hearts be troubled.  Trust in God; trust also in me.  In my Father’s house are many rooms; if it were not so, I would have told you.  I am going there to prepare a place for you.  And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am.” John 14:2 NIV 

Feedback: What helps you remember that God is coming back?

Wounds

He was bruised for our transgression and pierced for our iniquities. The punishment that brought us peace was upon Him and By His stripes we were healed. Is. 53:5

            No one likes to hurt and we avoid it whenever possible. It is a basic instinct. My friend works in a vet clinic. She says that many times when an animal is hurt it will either shy away from someone trying to help it or turn on them in anger. We do the same things, but pretend that we don’t. While working in the nursing home I saw people who had wounds that had healed on the outside. The skin looked healthy, but underneath, the wound was still raw and often infected. The tissue under the skin can deteriorate and even die. No healing can take place while the wound is covered over. The doctor has to re-open the wound and dig out the dead tissue. Then the wound is packed and treated with antibiotic and other things to help it heal from the inside out. The doctor must also continually clean the wound and remove dead tissue until it is completely healed.

            As Christians, we do not want to show our hurts. Unfortunately, we are often justified, because like pack dogs who smell blood, other Christians are prone to key into our hurts and prod at them.  To avoid this we put on our Happy Church Face and say, “Praise the Lord, I’m fine!” There is a place for confessing positive things as we read in Proverbs 18:21. However, there is also a place for being honest with God and our brothers and sisters.

            We went on retreat with our ladies’ group and the first thing I saw when we got there was a sign that said, “Be still and know that I am God.” Ps 46:10. I have a real love/hate relationship with that verse, usually depending on whether I am doing what it says or not.  I realized that I had been running really fast and staying busy so I did not feel my pain.   I cried and cried and admitted to God that I was really hurting and didn’t know what to do. Once I made that step, He started putting the other pieces in place, from songs that were just what I needed to hear to encouraging words and just a sense of His presence. Just before we left for the night, someone said, “If you need to pray for emotional healing, stay and let us pray with you.” With my eyes feeling gritty from the tears there was no use in pretending I didn’t need to be prayed for and God met me where I was and started to heal some deep wounds. It is a process and forgiving the “wounders” is not easy or fast, but I have a time and place to look back to and say, “This is when I chose to start forgiving them.”

            What did I have to do to receive healing? First I had to acknowledge my hurt and my need. In Revelation 3, Jesus says to the church at Laodicea, “You say, ‘I am rich and have need of nothing.’ You do not realize that you are pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire…white clothes to wear… and salve for your eyes. Second, I had to believe that Jesus could heal my wounds. Among many other things, Isaiah 53 tells us that by his stripes (the wounds he received) we are healed. That includes physical, spiritual and emotional wounds. Finally I had to allow Him access to my wounds and not recoil or attack like a wounded animal. He is able and he is willing. Drop the Happy Church Face and let the Great Physician touch the broken places in you.

I look forward to bringing you post from guest writers starting Thursday. The writers lined up have encouraging and relevant information for you.

Feedback: How do you react when you are wounded?